Cadi michelle Chia

2009-06-28T23:18:00.004+08:00

FTI's showcase is over...
It came,
and ended way too soon!
Oh man,
They boys were so amazingly good looking.
Some how,
the showcase seemed all to real for me.
When i try to recall anything from it,
it just seems too distant.
This showcase,
its left me greedy for more.
I wish i could fly to korea and glue my ass there till
i get enough of all the korean artiste.
Im envious of the korean fans!

I seriously didnt imagine them to be that good looking.
Im so sure,
Im gonna meet them one day.
This time, I didnt get to,
I wasnt as smart as the experienced korean fans,
knowing how to get chances to speak to them and all...
but i will... I have to!
They were just 'ohmycrackinggosh'!
and i have to meet them.

I sound ljust ike any crazy fan.
But i cant help it after i saw them perform live.
And besides, i believe im no where a crazy fan yet.

For now... Im just gonna be missing those boys!

2009-06-22T16:00:00.002+08:00

Its already Monday.
Last week of the june hols.
Seems like I didnt get to do much,
and school's gonna start again.
I guess its a good thing cos Im always eating
too much during the hols.
But i got to spend time with friends, people I treasure...

And I've just completed about 8? excercises of Betty Edwards.
Im proud of myself! hahah.

F.T. Island's showcase is on Sat!
This Saturday!
Cant believe im gonna see the guy that is my phone's
wallpaper face to face.
Im getting pretty envious of myself!... Hah

2009-06-03T18:04:00.003+08:00

This hols will make me erase anything i had to do with you.
Thats what you did.
Thats what i'll do.

And i believed in you. Once.

2009-05-29T08:02:00.000+08:00

If this is how you want it to be,
Im going with it.

2009-05-28T18:26:00.004+08:00

You whispered that you were getting tired,
Got a look in your eye,
Looks a lot like goodbye.
Hold on to your secrets tonight.
Don't want to know I'm ok with this silence
It's truth that I don't want to hear

You're hiding regret in your smile
There's a storm in your eyes I've seen coming for awhile
Hang on to the past tense tonight
Don't say a word,
I'm ok with the quiet.
The truth is gonna change everything.

So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright
So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night
I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart,
Look me in the eye,
Lie, lie, lie.

Im choked,
more than ever this time.
Im tired today.

2009-05-26T21:06:00.003+08:00

Well, i guess i wont be writing too much here.
I've decided to keep more of my personal thoughts
just to myself, and a special book.
What happened in general today is....
I found out i got into SD sub-comm.
Thank God!
I really didnt think i was going to get in
after i found out everyone else had gotten calls
and messages.
It was a jellybean...
It gave me loads of emotions today.
Thaaaats all.

2009-05-25T18:14:00.007+08:00

Maybe you should be more sensitive.
Cos if you dont realize,
i get hurt.
Maybe you dont care,
and if you dont, then whatever.

2009-05-22T21:35:00.002+08:00

Wow.
Today, on my way home,
I got to see two secondary friends,
consecutively, at dover station.
Its a good thing,
cos they are friends im thankful for.
I have not seen them for some time now...
And I managed to have conversations with both.
It made me kinda happy.

2009-05-20T19:42:00.005+08:00

it was a truthful conversation.
When I said it was an awkward one,
I didn't exactly mean it that way.
It was more cos there were some things I got to say to you that normally I wouldn't get to.
You've told me that I need to get used to things.
Just so you know, i've been trying and will continue to try.
Its gonna take time for me to..
I hope you'll try to be more understanding as well.
I do Treasure this friendship,
and won't give up on this friendship unless you ever give up first.
Thaaats just all I gotta say...

.

2009-05-19T23:06:00.001+08:00

Its not the same now,
Yeah I know it changed along the way.
I can feel what changed somewhere,
but Im pretty sure there's nothing I can do.
I just wanna ask,
wasn't it a little too quick?
Wasn't it a little too fast...

I will learn to be more independent when I'm forced to.

2009-05-17T00:20:00.000+08:00

CRAP.
Im feeling crappy for no reason.
Maybe there is a reason?
Ahh whatver...
I dont wanna bother thinking...

2009-05-15T23:18:00.002+08:00

There's more i wish i could say.
But I can't, not to anyone right now...
I guess i'll have to store them up in my little book of secrets... Hehh

Its been getting a little more .. each day.
Whatever...

2009-05-13T22:35:00.002+08:00

Right, so today is my 17th birthday.
And since its not 12 yet, I can say I'm enjoying every moment of it.
I thank my whole class really. For doing that whole cake surprise thing.
Then also, after school, I went to have a meal with a few friends. We had korean! Whooo hoo, it was good.
Then there was all the messages I got when I looked at my phone in the morning.
And all the other msges I got throughout the day. Thank you! I had a great time today.
Today was also interview for SD club. I kinda hope I get in.

The only other thing I wanna say.
I hope buddy doesn't get pissed so frequent.
Cos I don't understand much yet. Its a little... Yeahhhh.
Heh, buut, whatever. Today was good enough for me :D

2009-05-07T22:33:00.002+08:00

I know I'm starting to love them,
but that's what makes me afraid,
Cos I know it might all end too soon..
Since common foundation's not gonna be forever.
Common foundation sucks! But I'm happy cos,
They're there.
We're all so damn different, in every way we're
different. The more I hang out with them,
The more i see how we are different,
But it doesn't matter.
I might not be as cool as them,
And they might not understand me the way I wish
they would,
But we get along fine enough,
And I feel like I'm gonna cracking miss them.
And Buddy, who I'm gonna be
Studying with for the next few years,
I don'T know. Maybe I'm not cool. Heh
I just wonder why we had to be so different..
I feel somehow like every thing's
gonna change. And I don't like,
what that says....

2009-04-27T22:05:00.002+08:00

Today wasnt that great a day,
Cos' i have to redo almost everything
i had prepared for my first FDS assesment.
They say in design
we'll have to face lots of rejection,
but it kinda sucked when i found out i
had to totally change my idea...

And then cos i was carrying so many things today,
i must have been careless.
I realised that i dropped something,
on my way to school or on my way back
i dont know~
But i realised it after getting home.
Although it wasnt anything too important,
it kinda just added to my frustration...

I ate from a tub of chocolate ice cream which made me happier.

I dislike people who think they're better just cos they're
learning something different.
Cos' we're really not that different at all,
all there is, is you thinking you're better...

2009-04-25T00:19:00.001+08:00

There's more I wish i could say,
there's more I wish i could tell.

I love my new buddies,
but i cant help but feel like we're so different.

2009-04-24T23:22:00.002+08:00

2009-04-21T16:49:00.002+08:00

Today on my way home,
i saw a cracking cute guy.
I have to say,
I couldnt keep my eyes off him.
Heh, not like im a pervert or anything,
but he was so danging cute!
LIKE awfully cute.
Like really cute.
Im sure you get the idea.
I saw him from dover station,
which was where i got on too.
We were standing pretty close by while waiting for the train,
then when the train came i went to the next door.
Dont know why i did that! ack.
I think he's from dover ITE,
but whatever, not like im gonna find him or something.

2009-04-17T23:21:00.002+08:00

Its been some time since i had something to write here.
But i have something to say now.

Today was the last day of Poly orientation,
dont know why, but i felt sad.
Not like i wouldnt be able to see everyone, anymore,
i'd be seeing them on monday...
I guess i was starting to like it all..

Im glad that orientation turned out quite alot better
than i expected.
Im also glad that i've made a bunch of funky friends,
and im glad that they're the ones im gonna be with for year 1.

Monday will be actual poly day 1.
Classes will start and so will many things come into place.
And thinking of that, it makes me a little afraid.
Seems like so many things have to happen once school reaally starts.

Im just thankful, so grateful,
its all been going well :)

2009-04-04T13:38:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, God tears things down
just to build them up again, stronger.

That was something i heard during BS last night.
I guess its something i've heard before, and forgotten.
But last night, hearing it,
it came so strong.
Somehow, it felt like a reminder.
A reminder for me.

2009-04-01T20:08:00.002+08:00

Today's the first of April,
so i decided to start using the new laptop meant for school.
Its sad for my previous laptop,
im already missing it- using this one.
But i guess this is nice too,
i'll get used to it after some time.
Im not good at changes, so using this,
its a little awkward...
somehow feels like i still prefer the old one.
But i guess this one looks cooler...
I had to download windows live here,
and the new messenger,
mmmmh, i really dont like it.
I dont even like signing in,
everything looks too different, and weird...
Other than that,
orientation is coming up in about less than 2 weeks.
Am i looking forward to it?

2009-03-25T01:45:00.005+08:00

Haven't left a post for some time now, that's cos...
Honestly, nothing's been going on. I guess I'm just living,
and remembering to be thankful for everything I've got.
Right now I'm actually typing this post with my phone~ first time.
And I guess I'll stop here, I think its almost 2?
Anyway I've got nothing more to add..

2009-03-12T22:13:00.002+08:00

Today was SP enrolment day,
it was a little weird and all,
but finally, all the prep is kinda over.
There was this guy,
who help me and kinda like a new friend set up our laptops there,
New friend story- so cos she sat beside me we kinda just talked?
Weird that i could make a friend that way, gotta say it was sad saying goodbye,
she was nice, pity, cos she's in a different school.
Back again- he was kinda nice, we didnt have to do a thing, he totally did the confusing laptop stuff for me while i and her just sat there.
yeah whatever, but im not saying anything~ im just glad there was a nice dude.

2009-03-06T23:36:00.003+08:00

I'll try not to hope and i'll try not to expect.
Cos' i've faced enough disappointment-
Not to say i can compare with people who've been through alot,
I cant say i've suffered.
But i've faced enough disappointment,
at least enough for now.
I've been wishing, hoping it'll all get better since long enough,
but after i gathered that i was doing alright,
somehow it seemed everything had started crashing down again.
I wish i could ask why?
But there's no point to, cos i know there must be a reason.
I'll believe there's a reason.

God's angels are watching over me.
So im not afraid.

2009-03-05T22:49:00.002+08:00

I tried playing tennis today.
Went along with an aunt and an uncle and with my brothers.
I guess i really dont have talent in sports...
Mmmh, or maybe it could be cos it was my first time...
Tennis is a nice sport,
or maybe you can say its the only sport that captures my attention,
so i really hope i'll get a chance to really experience it.

Each step i take seems such a blur.
But thank God, He's here.

2009-02-27T16:00:00.005+08:00

I had a dream last night,
and i kinda dreamt of my dream house.
It was so beautiful,
and i remember asking myself in my dream if i was dreaming,
and i said no.
Then i woke up.
Which sucked.

http://www.imeem.com/noellone/music/7R2YL_KW/zhangliyin-timelessfeatxiah-korean-ver/

Listen to this song if you've nothing better to do. It doesnt matter if you dont understand it, i dont really either.

2009-02-24T20:19:00.002+08:00

Today, Singapore's at 25 degrees Celsius.
I think i could get used to this.
Its a little chilly, but its such a lovely feeling,
makes me feel as though im no longer in Singapore... but i am. heh
mhhh it kinda reminds me of Nepal...
awh, and the scenery of that country i'll never forget.
Just went through the pictures of there a few days ago,
yeah it was lovely just recalling all of the memories there.

When im older, Im gonna travel the world!
Its something many people dream of doing, and im one of them.
There's so many places i wanna visit, and i hope i'll really get the chance to!

SP's pre-enrolment is so complicated compared to NP's.
I still feel a tinge of regret not getting into NP, but i'll get over it...

I dont miss any of it, i'm doing fine moving forward.

2009-02-22T14:46:00.002+08:00

My!
DBSK is having a concert today.
Its 4 pm Seoul, which means its gonna start in less than 10 mins!
Man, i wish i were there now, waiting for the concert to begin.
Awh! i wish i were there...
I hope they do well.
GOOOOO!

2009-02-17T15:34:00.006+08:00

If only he was here! hah
KEY

He's so cute,
like so..... cute hahah.
TAEMIN

2009-02-16T16:32:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i wish i could cut myself off,
from this world and everything that comes along with it.
It makes me feel like im doing a little better-
as a person or a human being.

Sometimes im confused at what is expected of a person,
how do you judge,
if a decision made is right or wrong.

At times i really do wish i were a robot,
with no feelings, with no need to feel anything in that matter.
I feel like my efforts in climbing uphill
has not paid off in any way.
And it kinda seems like im sliding downward again.
Why?

2009-02-13T15:02:00.002+08:00

Dang...
your reply really pissed me off...
forget it,
im not gonna try to be your friend anymore,
like after we get over this i'll get on with mine and im sorry for even trying...

2009-02-08T23:45:00.002+08:00

Mmmh...
nothing's been going on lately.
Church today was in a way, refreshing.
I bought a few things today,
one being a pocket english-korean dictionary.
Imma hoping to learn something out of it,
actually im pretty sure i will,
its a dictionary... i think i'll find sufficient korean words i wanna learn.
Its fun reading it,
i feel happy reading it.

Here's something i learnt
smile in the korean language is "mi-so",
it makes me think of japanese food.
and noodles in korean is "kuk-su" mmmh
noodles, im a little hungry actually...
but whatever.. heh...

2009-02-04T13:54:00.002+08:00

God, is really unpredictable.
Seems like almost everyone i know who never wanted ngee ann as bad as me got in,
and me,
mmmh,
i didnt get in...
But thats alright i guess,
although i really cracked up when i found out...
It was my "dream poly" after all,
like whatever, you know...
but i guess God wants me in SP for a reason or something...
i think he's forcing me to take my math again,
and i think i am,
but crack, math math math,
its the only subject i truly fear...

Hahah, and on a happy note,
im still thinking about whether i'll get to marry a korean hottie in 10 years. Lol

2009-01-29T14:15:00.002+08:00

CUTE RIGHT ? ahh :)

2009-01-29T14:07:00.002+08:00

Mhhh,
i guess chinese new year is over...
it was very fine... but it was great taking pictures of my nieces and nephews!
oh and my cousin just gave birth,
i've got a mixed blood neice! ooooooO :)
i got to see her,
she's so tiny,
and magical... she was beutiful...

Posting's coming out tmr,
and im getting a little tense about it...
gosh its scary...
where i might be thrown to... mhhh

I wanna marry a korean. HAHAH lets see if that'll come through in 10 years... heh

2009-01-24T16:46:00.002+08:00

Its a sleepy day,
kinda feel like im not fully awake...

Well anyway i heard this from a song,
and i think its beauuuu tiful.
"... for you, that place is here..."
it kinda got stuck in my head.

other then that,
chinese new year is here...
mmmh...

and i've got so many things i want,
want,
not need
not like i can afford most of it anyway... dang

ITS A RICH MAN'S WORLD...

2009-01-19T23:52:00.000+08:00

You shouldn't have replied
It was fine till then...

2009-01-17T15:00:00.002+08:00

I woke up at 2,
its 3 now...
Im too lazy to leave the house, so imma not going out anymore.
Im just gonna upload pictures,
read a little,
and watch lots of drama...

2009-01-17T01:21:00.002+08:00

Prom's over,
it was okay,
like okay?
mmmmh... yeah i guess it was okay. Heh.
It didnt feel like a big deal even with the knowledge that that might have been the last time i might see most of everyone there.

It was a pity though,
(disadvantage of not being popular...mmmh)
i did want to take pictures with some people i dont actually know,
but i didnt dare ask,
like crack,
i might never see them again...

I think imma going out tmr,
just so i get the feel of flats again.
No, im kidding, imma going out cos i wanna.
HEELS kill. I cant believe how much they hurt your feet.
Like pure torture.

I might post some pics of tonight soon.
Maybe...

I dont think i was born to be wild.
I believe not. whatever...

2009-01-14T21:36:00.002+08:00

Imma waiting for the drama to load,
so meanwhile... let me talk about everything.

I came home from watching PONYO~ PONYO~ PONYO~ blah blah blah, with my church budds.
It was, weird. And unrealistic, and weird.... mmmm... i didnt really like it. but i guess the others(girls only) did... cos it was "so cute". I guess it was cute at times, but it was always just weird... I was on the dudes side for this movie. J- fell asleep and drooled during the movie... Dinner dinner, J and S wanted to try shooting bubble tea pearl's with their noses.. gross but funny. J- believed a pearl really went up his nose... after sucking pearls up with their noses, S- still used the straw with his mouth to suck pearls.... EWWW!

Prom prom is this friday, i have a feeling its gonna be boring... mmmm but i guess it'll be nice to see everyone looking cool... heh, then there'll be loads of picture taking.. and, what else?
i dont believe anyone will really be dancing there...

Stupid results, mmm although actually i dont think i did bad...
Its just math, math, stupid math.
If it wasnt for YOU! i would get into a business course...
whatever you... now i have to go to a weird course in poly
But ngee ann, just let me in, PLEASE...
i really wanna go there,
but lets just see where God's gonna bring me...
mmmmmhhhh. Chao

2009-01-09T22:34:00.006+08:00

Imma in love :D

2009-01-09T22:14:00.002+08:00

Results results results
they're gonna make or break me.
Monday monday monday...
thats when i'll find out.
Wonder if im become suicidal... hah
Whatever.... heh

I know a place that we can go to,
a place where no one knows you,
they wont know who we are.
I know a place that we can run to,
and do those things we want to,
they wont know who we are...

2008-12-18T00:08:00.002+08:00

why why why why why
why is it that people always dont reply messages...
excluding the possibility that that person might not like me...
other then that,
is it that hard to just reply a message or say you're not free or something to end it...
better than leaving it hanging.
gosh it drives me crazy wondering if people receive it or it got lost or some crap when i reply them and they decide to just not reply my reply.
especially when there's a obvious question there... like hello?
whats up with that... huh huh huh
i mean whatever,
dont reply if there's nothing to reply, but there's a question..
and they started it... okay maybe sometimes i start..
but you asked a question so i asked one back...
what so wrong about that...
ARGH. dont message
i hate messaging...

2008-12-13T17:37:00.002+08:00

Im not hungry, but i just love eating.
Hahah, just felt like saying that...

Im still in Singapore, no more trip cos it got cancelled.
Anyway i guess im over that.
Everything seems pretty fine, i feel like i am moving on,
but i cant confirm if i really am,
i still think about them most of the time, and im pretty sure its not the same on their side..
Heh

Its been nice catching up with old friends,
thank God for them.

Results seem to be coming out really close to prom day,
maybe even on prom day itself...
Lets see how it goes...

Well then im gonna put some pictures in friendster now.

2008-12-03T18:46:00.001+08:00

It is breaking me down
Watching the world spin round
While my dreams fall down
Is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
No more friends around...
And my dreams fall down...
Is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me?
'Cause I can't seem to hear myself
Can anybody out there see me?
'Cause I can't seem to see myself...
There's gotta be a heaven somewhere
Can you save me from this hell?
Can anybody out there feel me?
'Cause I can't seem to feel myself.

Justin Timberlake

2008-11-30T21:59:00.002+08:00

I'll be leaving in 12 days,
and im never coming back.
I wish...
If it were to a beautiful place where all my troubles would disappear and only happy things take place then i would never wanna come back here...
(Not exactly heaven though, im not ready to go...
But then again, not for me to say... God will take me when He wants...)
But no...
Im going to a place where i dont know if i'll survive...
Heh, not that serious, but its for a good purpose,
Yet, I cant say exactly what im hoping to achieve...

Other than that the decorations in Orchard are pretty,
really pretty...
really really pretty.

I'll pack my bags,
then take away till i find myself.

2008-11-28T14:06:00.002+08:00

Hols suck...
I feel so cracked up
which makes it so miserable.
More than that, because i've nothing better to do,
I've been thinking alot,
and when i think alot,
thats when i think too much
and that makes me even more miserable...

Oh what a lousy holiday,
I wish i could just move on from here...

All this time,
I've just been imagining how much fun you 2 must be having.
Im ashamed,
I cant seem to let go...
such a lousy feeling...

And in other words,
this holiday seems to me like its meant for me to do some soul searching while everyone's having the time of their lives after o's... and after a crappy 2 years, i wish it didnt come to this.
But oh well,
Life's never fair isnt it...
It isnt...

2008-11-20T22:19:00.002+08:00

I miss Fairfield
Im missing that bright yellow and blue pretty school.

I thought i hated that place,
what awful memories it gave me...
of cause there must be beautiful ones too
if not i wouldnt be missin' that place.

Hols has started for some time,
some days are boring
some are nice
some are funny
some are reaally boring...
Heh...

And i do miss Fairfield,
whenever i pass dover (which always happens to be when im the in train)
i would think about that pretty school
but i cant see it... which is sad... danggg.

To my ex good friend and bestie

2008-11-04T11:38:00.002+08:00

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
what am I suppose to say when i'm all choked up and you're OK
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop me bleeding
Cos she moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it dont break even.

These are parts of a song which im writing out to my ex best friend and my good friend... maybe it was self-proclaimed. But i just feel good thinking it was true...It was actually how i felt when everything came falling apart.. But its been quite some time now and i wont have to see them anymore soon i think, but if i do i'll just pretend like the other day. Like i never knew them anyway, it takes away all the hurt :) goodbye im not keeping you anymore...

30th October

2008-10-30T14:23:00.001+08:00

I know i wanna cry,
But im holding it in the best that i can.
I dont want unfamiliar people to see this side of me.
I dont want them wondering what stupid reason might have got me crying.
Im not gonna make them start thinking...
So i hold on and keep looking strong.
The way everyone does...

4 more papers to go,
12 days till o's end.

2008-10-26T15:40:00.000+08:00

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

16 days to go till O's end...

2008-10-05T16:45:00.000+08:00

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god, I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin' out
They say somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god, I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me...

2008-09-28T16:00:00.000+08:00

If you would understand,
what I mean when I say im lost.
While people around all think its not much of a deal,
its not enough to bring me down,
I know they're wrong...
But does anyone know that,
enough to know i need some help...

You know i'll run far away,
I need to take a holiday.

2008-09-27T15:31:00.000+08:00

Is this really my idea?
I had no clue, that all of this was really happening
My thoughts remain lying on the floor
It’s not my fault I’m such an awful mess and more...

2008-09-20T20:56:00.000+08:00

What about everything we've been through?

Thanks giving service for sec4's, this tuesday.
Wonder what it'll be like, its amazing how time flies by without you realizing it...
O levels its coming, and im not gonna run away anymore.
I'll do what i have to, to get into ngee ann!
Im gonna miss the school so much, the comfort it brings when you're familiar
with you surroundings. I've taken bus from that bus stop for almost 10 years! lol
CRAZZY memories from primary and secondary school.
Im afraid, yet i cant wait to start a new journey ;D
I think during thanks giving service, we'll all see our 4 years of school
flash infront of our eyes.
and after a little while more, we wont be students of the school any longer...

2008-09-06T15:54:00.000+08:00

WHATS UP WITH YOU!

Do you HAVE to make life so difficult for me,
whats up with everything you do, you alwaaaaaaaays have an excuse.
And its total BULL. I try sooooooo hard to adapt with your easy-confusing personality,
but its not working, and you're not making it any easier...

You do what you want, you dont give a damn about others, cos everyone's caring bout you.
And you're used to it aint you? Being the queen, i can tell, cos you never ever try. You just let the other try, and you just sit there and look. WHY? i dont get you.

Sometimes i wonder if you're just blur or if you just dont give a damn. You dont try, you dont. Its driving me crazy. Im doing everything to keep this friendship going, but you, you just dont give a damn... you never did. Did you? i wonder...

Maybe it was a wrong move to come here, to go there. To end up there, but i really thought you would be a new start for me. But everything that you say to me, its so shallow. Like you're not even trying to understand anything...

i WISH i could just walk away,
i cant...

2008-08-31T20:17:00.000+08:00

Such nostalgia fills me so frequently.
Tell me,
Whats the point of beautiful memories when all they give you is pain.

This year is ending,
its ending.
Its ending so quick,
yet its taking forever to get done with.
I cant wait for all of it to end,
yet a part of me wants to keep it all...

2008-08-24T20:30:00.000+08:00

My daddy just had a minor car accident with a stupid cab.
Which that dude was totally in the wrong.
Luckily no one got hurt.
There's just a bloody long dent on our door,
and that other dude got his front bumper kinda hit off from scraping my daddy's vehicle..
so whatever. it wasnt that big a deal. cos my daddy was nice...

2008-08-21T20:32:00.001+08:00

I try to find the good in life, but good things in life are hard to find…

What the crap is wrong with me I wonder? Never anything seems to go right, and it keeps me wondering when this bull ends. I wish I could just say everything I wanna say. I wish I could tell you, but you wont give a damn, you never do. I wonder what I mean to you, I treat you as my closest friend from school. But what the hell are you getting at? You confuse me with your ways, and the only replies you ever give me is no lah and huh I donno. It pains me that you don’t even know me. But I know you, your face is an open book, and I can tell your expressions. Why cant you just say what freakin problem you’re having with me. I know… you’ve said before. You said it wasn’t me, just you having a bad day. But that’s bull, you have a bad day only when you see me? Is that is? You never seem to reply my messages just after I reply yours. And you always say you don’t know what to reply or you say you’d sent don’t know why I didn’t receive… its in your drafts! Whats up with that? Only my replies are there, why doesn’t it happen to all the other people you message? It just confuses me… you’re close to someone, then you’re close to someone else. There’s no point fighting back since you’re the queen. You make the moves. And its hard for me to take this. I know you’ll hate me for saying all these. But you gotta know, this is how I really feel. I expected too much from this friendship, I even planed to go on holiday with you. But I don’t even know you, neither do you give a damn whats up with me. So that, I just made myself fall off a cliff. Like I always do when I get friends, they never seem to work out. BULLSHITTTTTTT.

2008-08-18T16:06:00.000+08:00

Nothin's gonna stop me
Eh yo this game of life is one big struggle
We gotta hustle just to make it everyday
and to find ourselves a way
to fight the fears we facin'
and grab those dreams we chasin'
cuz there ain't no competition
when we rise to the occasion, c'mon

Neve

2008-08-13T20:32:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world

Taylor Swift

2008-08-12T20:43:00.000+08:00

Life's a bitch.

I feel like giving up.
Studying, its just not my forte.
I dislike sitting here wondering what'll happen if i cant get past all this.
I wish i could take-away.
To a place where studying just dont mean a thing.
To a place where i'll be happy cos' i'll be doing what i wanna do, whats right for me...

All this,
Its too heavy, too heavy for me.
Im wondering how far i'll go.
I close my eyes, all i see is a blank black page.
All these things im learning, why'd i need them?
Why do they burden me so much?
They dont to others...
Im not cut out for this bull.
Cos' im going bonkers,
But i NEED to to this, i GOTTA...
O levels is on its way, Prelims start this friday.
I NEED to do better than this.
I've gotta, Right?

2008-08-10T22:18:00.000+08:00

I feel dead tired right now.

Just got back from my parent's bible study group national day fellowship dinner.
And im tired.
Im gonna bathe then sleep right after this.

Other than that,
Today was my first mission trip training session.
I feel unprepared.
OH the preparation thats involved scares me...
but im gonna do it !

my brother's done with the toilet. its my turn now.
Tata

2008-08-08T21:44:00.000+08:00

F**K IT.
WHAT THE HELLS GOING ON ?
i wish i could DISAPPEAR NOW.
whats happening to me ?
why'd i ever fall so low.
i want this to just finish, get over and done with!
My life's just a TOTAL mess,
A junkyard......................................

I'll pretend i cant feel a thing and just walk on.

2008-08-08T21:25:00.000+08:00

Whats the point in making friends,
when all that comes is just an end.

I dont know you, do you get it ?
I thought I did, maybe I know you a little I thought.
But bloody hell,
I dont know a shit about you.
Everything I thought I knew alone,
so many others knew.

I dislike that I had high hopes for this friendship.
I knew so well I shouldnt have
after all the screwed up friendships I've had.

I hate this.
I hate that Im upset.

But Im gonna walk away,
and Im sorry for all the trouble I've caused.

If you don't care then I dont care.
we're not going anywhere...

Cos' we both know we'll go on from here...

2008-08-05T19:47:00.000+08:00

Its hard to understand how Im feeling,
Im confused, im angry, im relieved ?

I dont know, neither do I wanna know.
I guess after all the questions,
I've finally received an/one answer.

I dont like it,
But its more real than anything I've been facing.
I feel the warmth from my inside
Drip down from my face.

I wanna know
Where i'll go from here,
it hurts, im hurting.

Memories. We have lots ?
I cant recall any,
I dont know where you got yours...

A weight is lifted on this evening,
Cos' Its better that I see things through your eyes...

2008-08-04T19:02:00.000+08:00

COOLIO !

Yesterday while watching TV, I found out something that blew my mind.

Someone I admire deeply will be performing on national day parade :D
Nathan! GO NATHAN! Hahah I cant believe I’ll get to see him perform on national day. How AWESOME is that? weeeeeell that’s VERY AWESOME! Heh.. I wish there’d be more stuff where he’d perform, I’ll totally be there… but he’s studying too… so maybe after his A’s he will. And if he does, I swear! I’ll be there! Hahah. Go Nathan! I hope he does well during the paradeJ ahahhhh . I sound dumb... but I cant help it!

Other than that, O levels is getting nearer each day through. I wonder how Im gonna get pass it all. In ranking, this is how it goes for worry scale. MATH HUMANS LIT CHINESE SCIENCE ENGLISH ART I suck at all, but I hope it wouldn’t be too bad.

Its getting kinda boring. It is. I wonder when something might happen again, something good in specific. BOOHOO...

2008-07-31T18:00:00.000+08:00

Here's an update on my life. Im finding it hard to trust anyone nowdays, i wish i could keep things all to myself. I think i've been let down too many times. I dont wanna let myself think its getting any better, cos' right then everything sinks back down again. I dislike the feeling of hope, it makes me dream more than i should. I wish there was someone i trust so much, then i wouldnt have ever reached this. I dislike making friends, cos i dont know what will come ahead. I dislike the feeling of disappointment, cos' it makes me regret. I decided to make this friend, but i cant handle that friendship. I wanna make this friend, but im afraid it'll just be another pit hole...

2008-07-31T17:50:00.000+08:00

Here's a poem which i know alot of people will blog, we studied it in literature class today.
Its titled I am a rock. Its lovely, and its sad, but i like it.

A winter's day,
in a deep and dark December
I am alone.
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow;
I am a rock, I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship,
friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and loving I disdain,
I am a rock, I am an island

Don't talk of love,
well I've heard the word before.
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of the feelings that have died,
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock, I am an island

I have my books,
and my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armour
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock, I am an island

And a rock feels no pain,
and an island never cries.

Thats my favourite stanza, the one in blue.

2008-07-29T16:26:00.000+08:00

I am afraid

Today was just another messed up day.
I find it so strange that everything's going back the way it used to be.
Im feeling all out of place and wondering again.
There was so many things i wish i could say,
then i wouldnt be feeling like im in this alone.
I wished inside,
that there'll be someone who'll appear and know exacltly whats wrong,
or at least cares enough to stay with me through.
But its only my wish...
I wanna let it out, and tell someone,
but whatever... like anyone wants to hear someone
else's misery...

And im praying each day that God will make things better,
or that He'll make me a stronger person...

2008-07-28T21:50:00.001+08:00

IT ENDS TONIGHT
The All- American Rejects

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
Your finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight
Won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when your blind
It's better than I see it through your eyes
All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right,
It's too late to fight,
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight
It ends tonight, just a little insight
Won't make this right, it's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight,
Tonight,
Insight,
When darkness turns to light it ends tonight

2008-07-28T19:15:00.000+08:00

Whispers only the heart can hear.

God, take me, take me. Make It all better, cos’ no one knows how broken I am besides you… Sometimes I feel so messed up in school I just wanna run away. I wanna plug in my earphones and not listen to a thing on the outside. I cant stand so many things, I cant stand it when I get frustrated or mad over stupid things. I hate getting upset and being angry at people. I hate feeling jealous… it sucks so badly… I just need and wanna feel happy and peaceful again. I hate this year so much. Please just fix everything, just fix this bloody year…

When I look back after all this ends, will I miss it, or will I never regret? Will I cry because im happy its finally over, or will I cry cos’ I’ll miss it so bad?

Take me away, a secret place, a sweet escape…

2008-07-25T21:37:00.000+08:00

Today I fell so deep again,
Today I felt so lost again.
I dont know what i want again.

I cant see whats ahead, its bleak, it is.
Today I had so many questions to ask,
I really needed some answers.
I wanted a reply so bad...
But now im just packing up...
Cos' now im keeping all those questions and
putting them into my "Questions without answers Box".

2008-07-24T21:04:00.000+08:00

I recognise the face i hide in,
but i know it doesnt tell the truth.
I look myself in the mirror,
and i see someone so familiar.
But i wonder what the others see ?
Its like i thought i knew it all,
I really thought that was just it.
Till i realised i didnt know a thing,
Actually,
I dont know a thing.

2008-07-23T21:59:00.000+08:00

Okay well, here’s that something I wanted to post yesterday which I wrote 2 days ago.

I don’t know how to keep this going
I hear them argue, its because of me.
They just want me to do well,
But I don’t know how.
I don’t know, I just can’t handle this
Everyone’s telling me how little time I’ve got left.
How I just gotta try a little harder.
I don’t know, I feel so weak inside.
Tears are filling my eyes,
But I don’t wanna care.
I just want it all to end
Studying, it’s starting to become such a fear for me.
I don’t know where I can run,
I don’t know how much more I can take.
But im guilty, I know I am.

Now here’s something I wrote today

Cos’ you told me that you’d never look back.
You said you’d never regret.
You told me I’ll move on too,
You said it wouldn’t hurt.
You said, you did, but it isn’t true.
So tell me now, can just go back?

2008-07-22T21:32:00.000+08:00

I really wanted to post something I wrote yesterday, today. But I kinda left the paper I wrote on in a book which I left in my locker. So yeah I guess I’ll just have to post it tmr. Right… so right now, here’s the song I wanted to post along with it first.

PAPER WALLS

Let's burn a hole, so we can climb out.
Of these paper walls, and this empty house.

We're the only thing that's real.
These visions we have of ten years ago,
Of stars in the sky and us down below.
In streets and east coast lines,
We kept this scene alive.

Here I am, still hold on to this,
Dream we had, won't let go of it,
Hear me now, you will never be alone..

Don't listen too close, they're words are like guns.
With bullets that fly and kill what you've won.
Some love to hate, and some tell you lies.
So lets make a toast, and kiss them goodbye..
We'll kiss them all goodbye..

Here I am, still hold on to this,
Dream we had, won't let go of it,
Hear me now, you will never be alone..

Here I stand, won't turn back again.
Won't leave you, know how hard it's been
Hear me now, you will never be alone..
Let's take what hurts, and write it all down.
On these paper walls, and this empty house.
And when our ink runs out, we'll burn it to the ground..

Here I am, still hold on to this
Dream we had, won't let go of it,
Hear me now, you will never be alone..
Here I stand, won't turn back again.
Won't leave you, know how hard it's been
Hear me now, you will never be alone..

2008-07-16T16:50:00.000+08:00

Sincerely Michelle,

Would you understand by just the expression on my face.
Would you care a little more if you could tell it all.
I have this feeling its not getting through to you,
Cos’ its not getting better, can you tell im all broken ?

I have this note in my pocket, no one’s read it, i don’t know
what to do. It holds all my questions, without the answers.
But there’s no one to tell me, to leave me the truth.

In my head only one thing’s clear, its how im so empty and how much im lost.

So would you understand by just the expression on my face,
Would you care a little more, if you could see me through.
I have this feeling its not getting through, cos’ its not getting
Better, can you tell im broken inside.

I don’t understand, i look at you and all i see you doing is moving on. I try to look at you and feel happy, but im not. And its sad cos’ i wonder if things you said were ever true. That you’d miss me if i left. Well cos’ it looks like you’ve never regretted losing a friend. ( so i wonder if i ever meant a thing to you.)

2008-07-12T20:40:00.000+08:00

CRACK!

I just saw some awfully diiiiiisgusting picture’s of this poisonous spider that stung this dude’s thumb and that dude’s thumb is like OH SHIT MAN… it didn’t even look like a thumb man… HELL SICK. Don’t know if its real, but if it is… OH DEAR, cos I’ll fear for my life, especially when it said its in SINGAPOREEEEEEEEE safe o’l Singapore. But I truly hope it isn’t true, cos that spider was appalling… …

Today was just another arty art day. Had to wake up early, considering it is a Saturday. Thus, now im getting tired… Lol oh whatever… next week’s gonna be worse, gotta stay till 5 or 6! Believe it, from early in the morning to that!

And I’ve nothing much to say, but a beautiful song just started playing. So im just listening instead of trying to think if there’s anything else I wanna say. And I guess that’s all for now.

2008-07-11T22:17:00.000+08:00

Music’s my escape

As i plug on my earphones and close my eyes… it helps the slow and soft songs im hearing. The kind that doesn’t make me think of anything else but the lyrics it’s playing. The kind that’ll remind me how everything’s gonna get better, how everything’s gonna get better in time.

HERE WITH ME

It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror
I guess that I was blind
Now my reflection's getting clearer
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again

There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day
You're such a part of me
But I just pulled away
Well, I'm not the same girl
you used to know
I wish I said the words I never showed

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true
But I was scared and left it all behind

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

And I'm asking
And I'm wanting you to come back to me
Please?

I never will forget that look upon
your face
How you turned away and left
without a trace
But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

That lovely boy’s in love with a girl who’s letting him hang on to nothing…

2008-07-08T11:14:00.000+08:00

Like a knife

HELL. Im thinking too much, im missing them again. I shouldn’t be, but it hurts so bloody much when I think of them some times, I never thought it’d be this hard… I do love the people I hang out with now, they’re lovely, but they’re not very much like me. Sorry dudes, but you guys do know its true. I thought i’ve moved on from them, but everywhere I go I still think of them. They made me laugh so hard I’d get a tummy ache… over such stupid things. They actually made me try food I’ve never tried before – like a fried mars bar Hah, I ate Haato the first time with them, fish and co. too, i explored places I’ve never been to. And I admit, I don’t think I’ll ever get over them. But I don’t belong with them, I don’t belong here either. And im hurting, cos I need to find my place. But the friends I have now I will keep, I know what treasure means, and that’s what I believe in doing. Oh well. This sounds corny, but I need a friend, a true one, who I can tell everything to, who I don’t have to be afraid to share my secrets with, who truly understands me by just the expression on my face. I need you! Where are you ? oh I sound like like an idiot, but Dear God, please send my best friend soon…

Im still gonna go T----- with you! Im definite about that. Cos one day, that might be where I’ll leave this country to for good one day…

I don’t miss you anymore dude, I can look you in the face and turn away without feeling like I need to turn back. I know I’ll find someone better than you one day.

2008-07-07T20:15:00.001+08:00

Like a knife

Im still gonna go T----- with you! Im definite about that. Cos one day, that might be where I’ll leave this country to for good one day…

I don’t miss you anymore dude, I can look you in the face and turn away without feeling like I need to turn back. I know I’ll find someone better than you one day.

2008-07-03T20:30:00.000+08:00

Shadows And Regrets lyrics

I'm back, back in town
And everything has changed
I feel, feel let down
The faces stay the same
I see, see shadows
Of who we used to be
When I drive, drive so slow
Through this memory

When we were only kids
And we were best of friends
And we hoped for the best
And let go of the rest

I heard, heard myself
Say things I take back
If I could, could retell
And make these stories last
I see, see shadows
Of who you'll always be
I drive, drive these roads
Made of memories

When we were only kids
And we were best of friends
And we hoped for the best
And let go from the rest
Shadows and regrets
We let go from the rest

Everything has changed
Faces stay the same
Everything has changed
Faces stay the same

And we were only kids
And our time couldn't end
And how tall did we stand
With the world in my hands
And we were only kids
And we were best of friends
And we hoped for the best
And let go of the rest
And shadows and regrets
We let go of the rest
Shadows and Regrets
We let go of the rest

2008-07-03T18:59:00.000+08:00

I look up at the sky, I wonder just where you are.

Today was almost like an awkward day, I guess the mood of funfair preparations did add to it. Everybody in school doing stuff not related to grades, studying and all that. It felt nice, but I had to remind myself about o’s again, and spoiled that relaxed moment. I totally didn’t make myself think of o’s, it just came to my mind as soon as I could forget it. And when I think about it, it just feels like a never ending nightmare… Today, was another day I wanted to talk about all and everything, reminiscing the past, and it didn’t actually feel good. It made me regret… but I’ll get over it. I still do wanna leave this country, but I cant. So… whats gonna happen I wonder ?

Anyway, after all that, this is something I read in an email after I got home-

"I asked God,
'How do I get the best out of life?'
God said, 'Face your past without regrets.
Handle your present with confidence.
And prepare for the future without fear!'"
Forgive quickly.
Believe slowly.
Love truly.
Laugh uncontrollably.
Never regret anything that makes you happy.

You’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.

2008-06-30T18:40:00.002+08:00

Im feeling so relieved now that O level Chinese oral is over. I don’t think it was as bad as everyone sad it was. I heard that a lot of people said F word when they went out of the hall door but I was kinda really happy after I was done. Although I think I totally screwed up, but I whats done cannot be undone, so whats the point of being upset over it right. Actually, right now, im looking forward for English oral. I know that one’s gonna be even better! Hah. Oh well I just want o levels to get done with faster. Then the so many things that I have planned can come true earlier. But for now, im just doing what I can to improve my shitty grades. Oh what a loser I am to study, I cant study for nuts! But im trying, can you tell?

I wrote something short today, and I think its lovely :)

Well then, that’s all, im gonna read my eye candy’s blog! He’s so awfully cuuuuute!

2008-06-30T18:40:00.001+08:00

FABER DRIVE LYRICS

"Tongue Tied"

Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of the head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like something's just aren't the same
What could I say?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
(I wonder just where you are)
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
Again

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

2008-06-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

PISS OFF

F… you, you bloody bastard. I don’t care if you hate me but just piss off will yah. Oh what the hell, im sorry if I spoilt our bloody class photo because of my f’ ed up face in the picture. Im sorry that I cried on my birthday and the bloody class picture had to be taken on that day, I guess I made the picture disgusting but whatever, like I wanted it. I totally regret staying in the picture but its over dude. So get over it, you don’t like me I get it, just back off dude, cos Im not hating anyone. But if you go too far asshole, watch out male bitch.

im sorry for the not so nice post, but I’ve just gotta let some shit out...
I hate secondary school to the core, I’ve tried my best, but I guess I just appall people or something.

2008-06-24T21:20:00.000+08:00

HERE HERE

I just got my fringe trimmed. It looks pretty good I guess. My braces are off too, and I feel awkward without it, I cant wait to get my retainers though, im afraid my teeth moves out of place again… still, retainers are gonna be such a bother… I’ll have to take it out before every meal, make sure there’s no crap in my mouth before I wear them back. Braces was much easier… heh.

O levels are so freaking close, talk about prelims… I don’t know how im gonna get through all of it, but I know I will. And talking about o’s, here’s my expectations… no actually, its what im GONNA get. L1r5 12 ! heh. Its light years away from where I am now, but they say, if you believe it, anything’s possible right!

I wish I could ask him something, im wondering if I regret not keeping our friendship. Looking back, I think my decision on stopping to try keep it going was right… but I cant help thinking about him. I wanna know what’s goin on in his life, I wonder if he’s any better from what he said he was then. But he never really felt like a friend, I think he was only trying to be nice, and after awhile, he just didn’t have the time to care anymore…

and PLEASE, im sensitive to the word "study" it makes me scared, i hate it, i hate that word to much. so please, dont keep saying it to me will ya ?

2008-06-22T19:38:00.000+08:00

AHHH SCREWW !
I feel like shit again, my mother just reminded me that prelims are in august. So i said "so what you want me to do ?" then she said "start studying". C'mon... im already totally trying ! Im so going NUTS. I WANNA RUN AWAY, I DONT WANNA TAKE O LEVELS, I RATHER ROT AT HOME THAN GO TO BLOODY SCHOOL. O levels O levels O levels just goooooo awaaaaaaay will yah ! i hate you to the coreeeee. AHHHHH, i feel like screaming, i feel so afraid, im scared and i wish i wasnt from this toot country...

2008-06-20T23:10:00.000+08:00

BYE BYE BRACES.

Oh nuts, im taking my braces off tomorrow… so today is my last official day having them on. Im happy but sad, im in between. But right now, all thats in my head is worry. School starts again on Monday. Im wishing so bad that it didn’t have to, im wishing I could take away and leave all my troubles behind. Oh dear dear, I don’t wanna have o level’s, im not ready, and I never will be… I just wanna run away. And more than that, o levels is not the only thing. How bout the rest of education after this? Its not gonna get any better I know, every step you take in this country, its just a step into stress world. I hate it, and im going nuts I tell you. Im scared, and pissed, irritated and confuse. What huh what? Im going nuts in school everyday, I am. Well then that’s all… so I’ll have a tribute to my braces, for being with me faithfully-1 year.

2008-06-17T21:09:00.000+08:00

Carpenters
Close to you

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Just like me (Just like me)
They long to be
Close to you.

2008-06-15T21:11:00.000+08:00

HATE O LEVEL YEAR

Tomorrow is the start of another week in S2E, aka. sure to excel.
I swear... its the dumbest thing ever...
I guess it does help me do a little studying, but it drags so damn long
it just makes ME fall asleep… don’t know how im gonna survive yet another
week of it. WELL, HERE GOES.

Anyway I think I’ve sort of fallen out with her, but im still hitching a ride
from her to school every morn, aint that weird?

2008-06-13T13:28:00.000+08:00

PREDICTABLE

A TWIST IN MY STORY

It was predictable. So this is how it goes does it? I’ve written you so many letters, I asked you for answers. I just needed some simple answers…

I wrote in the letter that if you didn’t give my anything, anything to believe in, just anything that’ll make me know what you guys were thinking to lie to me then I’d disappear, I’d leave cos I didn’t wanna have to be a burden to anyone.

And I believe you both have given me a reply… by not replying me.

I wish you never took me back, you made me think everything was getting better, then you just left me, AGAIN. I wish I could leave in a good note, but because I loved you guys, im started to hate you. And what hurts even more is that it was always one- sided, you guys never cared a shit about me, you said you did. But when Im alone, I can see all this so much clearer. You guys go out without thinking about me right after I ask you some serious things that might make or break me. Do you know how many times you’ve made me stumble?

I’ll never forget you two, but I’ll always regret being such a fool, thinking I’d die without you guys. You’ll see me happy on my own. I’ll never become like you, I’ll never let anyone feel like their in heaven and just throw them down to hell.

BECAUSE OF YOU
I’ve learnt the hard way to never let it get that far.
I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me,
Because of you, I am afraid.

And anyway, I still got my family (blood and church) :) , and most of all, God.

2008-06-11T21:32:00.000+08:00

TRUTHS

They say, hating starts from loving someone so much, and they disappoint you, making your hurt bigger than it would have been compared to being disappointed by a normal friend.

I almost thought I would have felt it today, and I was lucky, I didn’t have to.

I’ve been thinking so much,

Wondering so much, I think it all ought to stop.

So I’ve made it clear to myself…

My expectations, my goals, just what I want, I’ve drawn a line. I believe I am closer to an end of a story than to a beginning.

I’ve decided to let things come as they may, let things go if they ought to, and let things come if they have to.

Im not gonna continue spinning webs of dreams that may never come true, and I can say it true.

Im back, im back.

Father’s day is on Sunday, but dad’s not gonna be around cos he’ll be in Malaysia for some stuff. So I pray he’ll be safe and sound till he comes home.

4th June's post

2008-06-11T21:18:00.000+08:00

Im lost

Once again im feeling confused.
im going away for a little while though i've just gotten
back from nepal.
i need an escape, im so afraid to face, things
in my life, i just cant find a way.

Im trusting God with all i am,
cos i've nothing more to lose.

im needing some courage to do things
confidently.
im not gonna be their burden,
and im not gonna be mine.

So God,
make me work hard and make me
your faithful servant. i need to work harder and do
what i need to. When i come back its time
to be strong, make me stronger, make me stronger i pray.

IM BACK FROM NEPAL.
IM BACK AND IM MISSING IT SO BAD...